Greeting from ‘Frisco! ...And from Alcatraz.

After the long flight to San Francisco, we drove around until we found the ultimate life preserver for my parents-Starbucks. After they drank their coffee and I ate my cake ball, we drove the marshmallow car to Lucky, a grocery store. We used our Triple AAA cards at a map vending machine and got ourselves stocked with provisions. Then we found the hotel. We next prepared for Das Rheingold.

It opened with three beautiful maidens guarding magical gold. But then, ugly Alberich comes and tries to seduce them. They swim out of his grasp and tease him. Foolishly, they tell him about the gold and that whoever renounces love and makes the gold into a ring can control the world. They show him the gold, and he grabs it, renounces love, and runs off. In the second act, Fricka the goddess is berating Wotan about giving her sister Freia to the giants in return for building their fortress. A distressed Freia runs in, pleading for help. Wotan and her brothers, Froh and Donner, tell her not to worry. Then the giants come and demand Freia. One holds a giant yardstick (Fafner), so I’ll call him Yardstick. The other – Fasolt, (I’ll call him Bluepants) gets angry when Wotan won’t give her up. Then Loge walks in. Wotan asks him to fix the problem. Loge tells him about Alberich and the ring he forged. Bluepants declares that the gods can keep Freia if they get Alberich’s gold. They take Freia as hostage. The gods begin to feel old age, for only Freia can cultivate the apples that keep the gods youthful forever. Wotan goes with Loge to Alberich’s fortress to retrieve the gold. When they get there, Alberich is invisible using a thing called the Tarnhelm that can turn you into any shape. He is torturing his brother Mime. Loge talks to Alberich and tricks him into using the Tarnhelm to become a toad. They tie him up and return to the gods’ palace. Once there, they make him give up all of his gold, the Tarnhelm, and the ring. Loge and Wotan pile it all up, but Wotan keeps the ring. Then they let Alberich go. Before he leaves, he curses the ring, so that everyone who wears it will die until he gets it back. Soon the giants come with Freia. They tell the gods to pile up the gold and treasure until Freia is completely covered up. Soon they have used it all up, but Wotan still has the ring. Freia is not all covered, so they demand the ring. Erda comes and persuades him to give it up. He does, and Yardstick slips it on. Bluepants tells him to share and grabs the ring. Yardstick pushes him down and kills Bluepants. Froh and Donner pile up all the treasure and give it to Yardstick, who puts on the ring, takes the gold, and leaves. Donner makes a storm to clear the skies, and all of the gods ascend into their new palace, built by the giants-Valhalla.

The opera was amazing. They all sung very well, and I thought that the fire from Donners hammer when he made the storm was a nice touch. The toad effects were also very cute. Everybody was good, but I think the best character was Loge.

The next day we got up and toured Alcatraz. It was really creepy. Cells lined the walls, sorted into categories of good prisoners to bad prisoners. The cells for unruly prisoners had bars like the others, but they also had a solid green door. The door was shut and the light was off. The cells for quiet prisoners had bars, but inside there were paints, canvas, and other entertainment. We saw the library, the dining room, and the recreational yard.

The gardens were stunning, cared for lovingly by an army of volunteers. While looking at some colorful flowers, my mom pointed out a big seagull lying down. I then noticed 3 baby seagulls. They were mottled grey and brown like rocks, and they were so fuzzy and cute. On the way down the ramp, we saw people with cement in a box. They were putting down new cement and were using the tiles to match the color of the new cement to the old. We also learned about the most famous escape ever: 3 men made clay masks and put them in their beds. They rolled up clothes and stuffed them under their sheets. Then they dug out of their cells with spoon handles and crawled through the drainage pipe. They were able to escape Alcatraz, but did they make it back to San Francisco? No one knows. By the time the guards had figured out that the convicts were not asleep, the men were gone. It is hard to believe that they dug out with spoons, but if you took out the bowls, you could dig with them. The men had spent more than a year working on the escape. On the way out, I turned in my junior ranger badge and we went back to San Francisco. Then we went to Pier 39 to look at sea lions. Now I will tell you a true story.

The Pier 39

One day in San Francisco I was eating a tortilla and cheese roll. I was on Pier 39 looking at sea lions. I was about to finish it when something smacked into my head. I bent over the rails looking for my noon sustenance because I thought someone had smacked into me and made my roll fall. However, when I looked up, what did I see? This giant seagull flying away with the last bit of my lunch! The stupid thing dive bombed me and stole my food, and then had the impudence to come back and beg for more! I should have smacked his little smug birdy face! Just think of how my poor, traumatized roll felt! I was just about to finish it when he snatches it from my hand with his never ever washed, bacteria covered, crusty feet or his disgusting bird breath, bacteria palace covered, dead fish, smelly orange beak! EWWWWWWWW! The End!

Yes, you probably think that’s hilarious. Well, while you’re busy wetting your pants or rolling on the floor cackling hysterically and convulsing wildly with giggles, I will remind you it’s probably NOT so funny when it’s YOU eating a chocolate bar, and the ‘’seagull’’ has opposable thumbs…and she’s in your grade… and she has red glasses… and she’s your friend… and she has short blond hair… MWAHAHAHAHA!